Waiting…

Waiting is one of the hardest things in the world to do. For me anyway; I’m not sure if any of you readers out there have any issues. Either way, many of us have things we are waiting for in life. Some wait for love, or school to be over, or life to start, or that next paycheck, or even life to be over. It almost seems like we spend our lives waiting rather than living. It’s a shame.

Waiting for me is difficult because of many things. I’m an impatient person mainly from the anxiety I deal with on a daily basis. Even waiting in line for something as silly as ordering fast food or waiting in my room for the doctor to come see me…I get anxious. It slowly builds the longer I have to wait for it to be my turn. As ridiculous as I know it sounds, there’s nothing I can do to stop the anxiety from coming. I can keep it from overwhelming me, but I’m always a little awkward when it’s my turn because of the built up anxiety. I become slightly socially awkward.

Having anxiety issues is always hard to explain to anyone who doesn’t have the problem. I’ve been told on several occasions to just calm down or chill out, there’s no reason to be nervous or anxious. Most of the time I realize that there is no logical reason for me to be feeling the way that I do, but that doesn’t make it go away or change the fact that I am. That’s what society doesn’t understand. Wanting to not be anxious and knowing that I shouldn’t be doesn’t mean it’s going to magically disappear. If only.

I take 40mg of Citalopram (otherwise known as Celexa) every day to help me cope with my anxiety. This is just so I can function normally every day. If I didn’t take it, I would be too anxious to even talk to people at work or when I go to a grocery store. This is to help me COPE. This isn’t something that can cure anxiety issues or even make it go away. I still have these issues just in smaller doses. I can wait in line without having a panic attack. I also have Vistaril in case I do have a panic attack.

It just amazes me what some people have to go through just to be able to function normally on a daily basis. I hated being anxious all the time because I couldn’t live my life. I’m lucky that I don’t take more medication with my other mental illness I have. I’ve been able to adjust well enough so that I don’t need medication for right now. Who knows what the future will bring.

I just wish that those who are lucky enough to not need any sort of medication would be a bit more open minded and accepting of those of us who do need it. I also wish that some people wouldn’t take advantage of medication. I know some people who say that they have depression when in all reality they have no idea what it’s like to be truly depressed.

I’m just glad that waiting is as bad as it used to be for me. I don’t mind standing in line and waiting for something now. Yeah I still get a bit jittery, but I can talk to someone without making a complete fool of myself. I don’t have to wait to live my life anymore or wait until I can get out and meet people. I don’t have anything holding me back anymore. I wonder how many others out there face the same problems as I do and think about it. Maybe not as often as I do, but it’s still nice to know I’m not alone in my ponderings.

What are you waiting for? What are you willing to do so that your waiting stops?

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2 thoughts on “Waiting…

  1. I have trouble with standing in line too. My coping method is to use the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills of Observe and Describe while I’m waiting. For example, at the grocery store I’ll focus on reading the names of all the candy bars at the checkout and paying attention to the design of their wrappers.

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    1. riverrei

      I’ve tried that too. I have no idea why, but I get bored and dizzy. Of course, I have ADHD as well so that’s the boredom part, but I get dizzy too which is really strange. I may try it again though since it works for you. Thanks for the suggestion and thoughts 🙂

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