I’ve been the sole financial provider for the family for the better part of a year now. Thanks to my boyfriend’s school loans, and money he received from the government we used to get each month, we were doing really well for once. We didn’t have to worry too much about whether our bills were going to get paid or not, only had to wonder whether we would have enough gas in the car. Well, with it being summer, we have no loan money to fall back on left and the money he gets from the government is quickly spent, especially with having to take care of 3 children between the ages of 10 and 14.
It seems that no matter how careful we are something always falls between the cracks. What I’m surprised about is that we actually went negative this month. We haven’t gone negative in a very long time so it’s hitting me hard. Not being on my medication right now isn’t helping, but it is still a rather devastating situation emotionally with how much effort goes into making sure we make it from paycheck to paycheck.
Of course, when something happens there are always other things that go with it. Not only are we negative, but I don’t have enough gas to get me through to payday. If I can’t do that I have to take a “sick” day since I can’t drive to work. Well, I don’t have any PTO left so having that day unpaid will make the next paycheck a bit short causing more problems in the future. It’s a ridiculous snowball effect.
Most people have resources to go to (not all do, but some), even if they don’t want to; a friend or a parent that is willing to help out even a little bit. I don’t have any of that. My family is either just as poor as I am, or extremely stingy and won’t ever lend me money. Even if I say I’m going to pay them back they will not help me out. Friends I don’t care because I don’t want money from friends. I don’t even like borrowing money from anyone. It bugs the crap out of me asking for help and taking someone else’s money, but even more of a slap in the face when your family can’t/refuses. Either way, I have no one to help me which makes me feel completely helpless and small.
I keep waiting for something good to finally happen so that we never have to worry about whether we are going to pay our bills every month, or whether we’ll have enough gas in the car, or enough food to last us the week. I used to buy scratch-off tickets in the hopes karma will be on my side and I would win enough to be rid of all my debt so I could, at the very least, start over but there has been no room in the budget for such luxuries. Which is silly since I have a full-time job that pays more than I’ve ever gotten paid before. Of course, this is my first job that pays more than minimum wage…
Here’s to hoping everything works out in the end. All I can do is take it one day at a time and try to get buy with what we have. Please pray for me, my boyfriend, and the kids.
Morbid humor time: it’s so funny to me thinking that if only I had $20 we would be okay. Find it off of the street or in a pair of jeans I haven’t worn in a while…only $20 and we would have no issues making it until Friday. Frustrates me so much thinking about it that I just have to laugh because of how ridiculous it is. No one can help me and all it would take is $20…
(Disclaimer: No I’m not asking or begging for money, merely posting a blog about my life showing how hard it can be as a middle-class individual struggling to get by from paycheck to paycheck.)