So it’s been a total of 5 days since I’ve stopped taking my medication. As the title of this entry says, the struggle is very real. Over the past couple days I have noticed the effects of my medication wearing off and I’m having a hard time coping with it. I feel really disconnected and more moody than usual. I’m on edge because of my anxiety being back in full force, and yet I’m sleepy, unmotivated, and don’t want to even get out of bed or do anything because of the depression. Even now I’m having difficulty finding the motivation to keep writing this post and finish it.
The worst part about it all is admitting to myself that I’m struggling. I’m trying to be an advocate for healing after suffering sexual assault and other trauma (especially with my autobiography being released next month), but I feel like admitting I still have weak moments myself will make it difficult for others to find solace, inspiration, and truth in my story. For me, to be a true survivor I feel like I shouldn’t have small relapses like this and never feel weak anymore.
In reality, though, I’m only human. We all have weak moments so I know I need to just push that aside and disregard it, but it is so difficult right now since I’ve been off my medication. I’m thinking that I’m only feeling this way because of stopping my medication cold turkey and this is my body’s way of trying to compensate for that. Hopefully I’ll be okay again in a few days. All I know is I’m not coping very well.
Until then, though, it would be great if I could have your support. I don’t normally reach out, especially when I’m feeling vulnerable and weak, but I’m trying new things since I know I’m not the only one going through these sort of struggles. I really don’t want to seem like I’m whining or just doing this to get attention though; I think that’s my biggest fear when it comes to asking for support. I’ve been told I only want attention so often that I’m terrified to ask for support and help.
Either way, I want to thank you for reading this. Here is me going out on a limb and asking for some support in my time of weakness so thank you in advance for any support given. I’m not the best at showing my appreciation so please don’t be offended if you feel like I don’t appreciate you or any help you offer. I promise I do appreciate it, I just suck at expressing it.