The Struggle is Real

So it’s been a total of 5 days since I’ve stopped taking my medication. As the title of this entry says, the struggle is very real. Over the past couple days I have noticed the effects of my medication wearing off and I’m having a hard time coping with it. I feel really disconnected and more moody than usual. I’m on edge because of my anxiety being back in full force, and yet I’m sleepy, unmotivated, and don’t want to even get out of bed or do anything because of the depression. Even now I’m having difficulty finding the motivation to keep writing this post and finish it.

The worst part about it all is admitting to myself that I’m struggling. I’m trying to be an advocate for healing after suffering sexual assault and other trauma (especially with my autobiography being released next month), but I feel like admitting I still have weak moments myself will make it difficult for others to find solace, inspiration, and truth in my story. For me, to be a true survivor I feel like I shouldn’t have small relapses like this and never feel weak anymore.

In reality, though, I’m only human. We all have weak moments so I know I need to just push that aside and disregard it, but it is so difficult right now since I’ve been off my medication. I’m thinking that I’m only feeling this way because of stopping my medication cold turkey and this is my body’s way of trying to compensate for that. Hopefully I’ll be okay again in a few days. All I know is I’m not coping very well.

Until then, though, it would be great if I could have your support. I don’t normally reach out, especially when I’m feeling vulnerable and weak, but I’m trying new things since I know I’m not the only one going through these sort of struggles. I really don’t want to seem like I’m whining or just doing this to get attention though; I think that’s my biggest fear when it comes to asking for support. I’ve been told I only want attention so often that I’m terrified to ask for support and help.

Either way, I want to thank you for reading this. Here is me going out on a limb and asking for some support in my time of weakness so thank you in advance for any support given. I’m not the best at showing my appreciation so please don’t be offended if you feel like I don’t appreciate you or any help you offer. I promise I do appreciate it, I just suck at expressing it.

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20 thoughts on “The Struggle is Real

    1. riverrei

      I have been meaning to make an appointment but I don’t have any sick time at work right now, plus I need to make time to see a dentist. I work during the hours my doctor’s office is open so it’s really difficult to get in and see her without taking time off of work. Living paycheck to paycheck (as most do) makes it difficult to miss work without PTO. I’m working on it though. I’m hoping to be able to next month when I get more sick time.

      Thank you for the kind words though, it definitely made me feel better 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I hope you can see your doctor sooner rather than later. Not having enough PTO to see a doctor is a terrible situation. I know so many people have to struggle with that, but it sounds awful. Medical care should be something we all have access to when we need it. I hope you can hang in there. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      1. riverrei

        It can be. Taking it one day at a time along with support from wonderful people like you help me out a great deal.

        Like

  1. I went to write a comment here and froze. I never know what to say to someone.
    First off: You aren’t whining. I only wish I had seen this when you wrote.
    It is NEVER wrong to reach out. I believe that is why we all are here anyway. We are reaching out to others. Sometimes we just need more help.
    I agree with everyone else : you need to see a doctor. That said, I understand totally.
    We haven’t had the money lately for me to see a doctor every week or at least every 2 weeks like I need to.
    I ended up in the ER this past week, due in part, to not having gone to the doctor when I first needed to.
    Now we have ANOTHER Hospital bill we can’t afford to pay.
    It seems to be that way for everyone any more.
    So we do without and we pray.
    None of us should ever have to do without GOOD medical care.
    If you want to message me at any time: Just to vent a little, my email address is sarahkasch @juno.com
    Sometimes we just need to know someone cares. Have a gentle week. Hugs,
    Sarah

    Liked by 1 person

    1. River Hayden

      Thanks Sarah, that means a lot 🙂 I’m trying to take it one day at a time so I can avoid those hospital visits and bills. I have an appointment scheduled, finally. My anxiety and stress level has gotten so bad that it’s causing my boyfriend and I to fight a lot. It’s why I haven’t been posting blogs as often as I would like, too. Just trying to stay focused on keeping everything calm and getting through the day. Your comment helped me a lot so thank you. I really can’t thank you enough for the support ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope you’re doing well River! I see this was posted a while ago, but I also know there are no time limitations on emotions. Did anyone suggest what you can do to replace the meds, like exercise or something? Forgive me if I sound completely ignorant.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. River Hayden

      Don’t even worry about sounding ignorant, any and all comments are appreciated and welcomed. Duplicates don’t bother me, just shows that you care 🙂 I’ve tried to replace meds with exercise but I can’t seem to stay with it. It’s very frustrating. My doctor has switched me to Prozac though so I’m keeping my fingers crossed about it. It’s only been 3 days – so far so good! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. River Hayden

      I’ve been trying. I’m addicted to soda and coffee (with lots of sugar) so sometimes that’s not easy. Thank you for the advice though, it helps a lot. I appreciate the support 🙂 Hugs!!!

      Like

      1. River Hayden

        I know what you mean. I’ve tried to quit soda cold turkey before and the headaches are HORRIBLE! I have no idea what sugar withdrawal is like though so I’ve got my fingers crossed I do it right and gradually!!! Thank you again, the support really does mean the world to me 🙂

        Like

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