Self-worth Rant

My boyfriend and I started fighting a lot again a few days ago. We both have our guesses as to why (and of course they don’t match up) but I can at least admit that I don’t know for sure. Today was really bad though. Our cat decided he didn’t want to use his liter box at all yesterday so he pooped in the living room all over a few blankets. I cleaned it up before my boyfriend even got home so he didn’t have to deal with it at all. Even so, he said that if it happens again that we’re giving away the cat. I kind of get that but that isn’t really the issue that started everything today. His question last night was were is the cat peeing if he’s not pooping in his liter box and there’s no evidence of anything there. It was a good question since I couldn’t find any evidence of the cat’s pee.

Well, this morning I woke up and took a shower and the bathroom smelled really strongly of ammonia, as if the cat had peed there. I decided to let my boyfriend know that this is possibly what happened. I checked his liter box though and there was pee and poop there so I don’t know what happened. I don’t even remember what exactly he responded with when I told him, but I felt like he was frustrated with me because the cat possibly peed in the shower.

So a fight broke out because I felt the need to defend myself. He got annoyed and when he gets annoyed he also gets mad. So he’s angry and flinging obscenities and lies at me. At least I hope they’re lies. He tells me that he’s sick of our relationship. That it’s like we’re stuck in high school. That no one cares about me and I think that I’m the center of the universe.

I don’t think that, though. That’s just what he said to me. He believes that I think I’m the center of the universe. Which is bullshit (excuse my language). I have gone my entire life thinking and believe that no one cared about me. I had to learn to defend myself because no one else was going to. I can see why that would come across as me thinking I’m the center of the universe, but the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with should know better, in my opinion. He should know me better then that.

Rant over. Just remember that you know who you are. Don’t let someone else tell you who you are.


6 thoughts on “Self-worth Rant

  1. tepidautumn

    Gosh, I am sorry about the fights between you and your boyfriend. I used to get quite defensive at first, but I realized, it doesn’t really help either of us. So I try to, for the most part (heh, we’re only human after all) to see it from his perspective and calmly explain myself so he can see from mine. And of course try to approach him when he’s open to mature discussion. By the way, you must bring your kitty to the vet. Because he isn’t peeing/pooping in his litter isn’t because he is being an asshole about it. He could be having some anxieties or doesn’t like his litter/litter box anymore. Maybe he isn’t well! And giving away the kitty is not the answer at all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. River Hayden

      I do that already, he just refuses to acknowledge my side as valid. He sees it and recognizes it, just doesn’t think it matters if he believes it to be stupid or overreacting 😦 He’s never open to a mature discussion. I try to talk to him and his immediate response is “oh god….” like I’m trying to start a fight and stress him out. I’ll remember that about the litter box though, thank you! I didn’t think about that 🙂


      1. tepidautumn

        Wow…that is definitely a tough situation when your man is so defensive and hostile and won’t listen. I guess you could come up to him when he’s at his best spirits and ask if you both could talk. But, um, seriously get your kitty checked!

        Liked by 1 person

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