It hasn’t been posted yet (scheduled for Friday), but I’ll add a link here once its on their website. She condensed it a little and edited in a way that I feel takes away from the emotional rawness I was trying to portray with my version. Here it is, unedited, for you guys to read. I’ll post the link at the bottom of this post once it’s on the Prevention Project’s website:
One of the worst experiences anyone could have to deal with is being sexually assaulted; taken advantage of and all control, confidence, and self-worth you thought you had over your life is stripped away from you in an instant. Take that, and add to it being blamed for what happened to you. Think about trying to get some control back in your life by reaching out to people you believed cared about you only to find that they don’t believe you. How would that make you feel? Could you live with yourself?
Unfortunately, I had to. I’m still not sure I did it, but I’m alive. I’ve gotten my control back and started to regain my confidence and self-worth after years of struggling. It isn’t easy. It is a long and rough road that you can relapse from at any moment, but with the right mind-set and support system, it can be accomplished.
In early September of 2008, I was raped by a high school colleague who I had been dating for four days. It took me a month before I tried to reach out to my best friend at the time. I was so anxious about what she would think that I just blurted it out and rushed out of the room. She had been talking about how her roommate had gotten sexually assaulted at a party over the weekend and it prompted me to think, “I should probably tell her what happened…” especially since she was a mutual friend of the perpetrator. “Maybe she will help me?”
With my luck, back then, she didn’t believe me. She went to him and asked him what happened and of course he denied it. So he started calling me Spam to try and say I was fake and lying. That was my nickname for a while between our mutual friends. He said that it wasn’t rape and that I wanted to have sex with him. The person I thought was my best friend believed him over me. I know there are some women out there who take advantage and say they have been raped to hurt someone, but that was not the case with me. I needed my best friend to have my back. I needed her support and friendship to get me through what caused me to lose myself.
Even years after the fact, it’s been difficult to get those who are supposedly close to me to believe me. My mother was with me – in the building – the day I aborted the baby that was conceived because of the rape. I never told her it wasn’t consensual. Why? My “best friend” hadn’t believed me only a month previously so of course I wasn’t going to tell anyone else I had been raped. If my best friend hadn’t believed me, then who the hell would?
So, when I was talking to my mom about a year ago, she was telling me how she had been there for me in my time of need when I decided to abort my baby. She is the type of person who always has to be the victim and tries to use the very few times she’s been supportive in my life against me when she isn’t getting her way. I was angry with her and decided to tell her the truth about the situation. I figured, what could it hurt?
What I didn’t anticipate was her denial. I thought I was strong enough to withstand any objection or reaction she would have. I wasn’t. She said that I was lying to her because I had originally told her that it wasn’t rape, even though I had never said that and she had never asked me. My own mother told me that I was a liar.
What I will never understand is how this is acceptable. Why anyone would think it is okay to tell someone they are liar for opening up and revealing that a part of them had been destroyed by someone. We need to change the way society views victims. We should not be blaming and doubting what they have gone through, and start pointing fingers at those that have put us through these horrible experiences. We need to be the change we see in the world so no one has to suffer in silence out of fear they will only be blamed for what they have suffered. I am one of the many that never reported my trauma because I was blamed for my rape. I speak on behalf of all those still silently suffering.
Link to the blog post on Prevention Project’s website: http://prevention-project.tumblr.com/post/131034387613/my-experiences-with-victim-blaming