The Road to Becoming a Survivor

Yay! Another review and not too terrible if I do say so myself! I can understand some confusion. The whole point of the title is that the whole thing, the story of my life, is the Road I have taking towards Becoming a Survivor. Hence the title. I can see why it’s not clear while reading though! 🙂 What do you guys think??

The Bookly Purple

road-becoming-survivorEverybody has a story to tell, but not everybody has enough courage to tell it. R.R. Hayden is definitely one of those who has no qualms about washing her dirty linen in public and risking people she cares about throwing furious anger on her way just so she can free her mind of traumatic childhood memories she has and heal. Writing each of those memories out is the only way she knows to accomplish them. So The Road to Becoming a Survivor is her medium to tell the life story which shaped her into a survivor that she is now, and she holds nothing back.

The Road to Becoming a Survivor is an autobiography telling of the writer’s struggle to change herself from a helpless victim of sexual abuse into a survivor. Hayden, a sufferer of Dissociative Identity Disorder, would tell the reader about her unfathomable pleasure of inflicting pain…

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I’ll be receiving my second review soon…rated only 3 stars on… This does not look good 😦

Book Errors

Okay so I’ve had a serious conversation with my publisher. Apparently my autobiography was published with several small errors that should have been fixed which affected the readers opinion on the book. He assured me that they will get taken care of as soon as possible, but I’m still mad. Yeah, it’s my fault for sending my manuscript to them with errors (which is a HUGE no-no for any author), but he told me early on that they want to put out a good product to generate the most revenue…so why the hell didn’t these errors get fixed BEFORE the book was ever published??? I’m worried this is going to affect sales and reviews for my book…I KNOW it is actually because there are several bloggers with the error-filled copy that I asked to post reviews. So now I’m FREAKING OUT because I’m going to get terrible reviews for trusting my publisher. UGH.

I’m mad.

Any Poetry Lovers??

Even if you aren’t really a poetry lover, I suggest you check out Moonchild Dreams. I love this book and inspired me to write some of my own works. Maybe it will inspire you also? Here’s a link to buy it on Amazon:

And here’s my personal review of the book:

A wonderful array of works that adequately portrays Gerassimenko’s talent for vivid and amazing poetry. She arranges her works in such a way that tells a story rather than just compiled for the sake of putting her poems in one place. The flow from each portion of the story, and even from poem to poem, is so well done that it will be difficult to put this book down. Each poem paints a glowing picture with emotions you cannot help but feel yourself as you read them. It’s a wonderful adventure you want to keep reliving. I cannot wait for her next publication and would highly recommend this book to anyone who has a fondness for poetry.

She deserves so much more for all her devotion and talent but alas, this is all I can give for now. Even if you aren’t all that interested in poetry, give it a chance. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the outcome.

Guest Blog with The Prevention Project

It hasn’t been posted yet (scheduled for Friday), but I’ll add a link here once its on their website. She condensed it a little and edited in a way that I feel takes away from the emotional rawness I was trying to portray with my version. Here it is, unedited, for you guys to read. I’ll post the link at the bottom of this post once it’s on the Prevention Project’s website:

One of the worst experiences anyone could have to deal with is being sexually assaulted; taken advantage of and all control, confidence, and self-worth you thought you had over your life is stripped away from you in an instant. Take that, and add to it being blamed for what happened to you. Think about trying to get some control back in your life by reaching out to people you believed cared about you only to find that they don’t believe you. How would that make you feel? Could you live with yourself?

Unfortunately, I had to. I’m still not sure I did it, but I’m alive. I’ve gotten my control back and started to regain my confidence and self-worth after years of struggling. It isn’t easy. It is a long and rough road that you can relapse from at any moment, but with the right mind-set and support system, it can be accomplished.

In early September of 2008, I was raped by a high school colleague who I had been dating for four days. It took me a month before I tried to reach out to my best friend at the time. I was so anxious about what she would think that I just blurted it out and rushed out of the room. She had been talking about how her roommate had gotten sexually assaulted at a party over the weekend and it prompted me to think, “I should probably tell her what happened…” especially since she was a mutual friend of the perpetrator. “Maybe she will help me?”

With my luck, back then, she didn’t believe me. She went to him and asked him what happened and of course he denied it. So he started calling me Spam to try and say I was fake and lying. That was my nickname for a while between our mutual friends. He said that it wasn’t rape and that I wanted to have sex with him. The person I thought was my best friend believed him over me. I know there are some women out there who take advantage and say they have been raped to hurt someone, but that was not the case with me. I needed my best friend to have my back. I needed her support and friendship to get me through what caused me to lose myself.

Even years after the fact, it’s been difficult to get those who are supposedly close to me to believe me. My mother was with me – in the building – the day I aborted the baby that was conceived because of the rape. I never told her it wasn’t consensual. Why? My “best friend” hadn’t believed me only a month previously so of course I wasn’t going to tell anyone else I had been raped. If my best friend hadn’t believed me, then who the hell would?

So, when I was talking to my mom about a year ago, she was telling me how she had been there for me in my time of need when I decided to abort my baby. She is the type of person who always has to be the victim and tries to use the very few times she’s been supportive in my life against me when she isn’t getting her way. I was angry with her and decided to tell her the truth about the situation. I figured, what could it hurt?

What I didn’t anticipate was her denial. I thought I was strong enough to withstand any objection or reaction she would have. I wasn’t. She said that I was lying to her because I had originally told her that it wasn’t rape, even though I had never said that and she had never asked me. My own mother told me that I was a liar.

What I will never understand is how this is acceptable. Why anyone would think it is okay to tell someone they are liar for opening up and revealing that a part of them had been destroyed by someone. We need to change the way society views victims. We should not be blaming and doubting what they have gone through, and start pointing fingers at those that have put us through these horrible experiences. We need to be the change we see in the world so no one has to suffer in silence out of fear they will only be blamed for what they have suffered. I am one of the many that never reported my trauma because I was blamed for my rape. I speak on behalf of all those still silently suffering.


Link to the blog post on Prevention Project’s website:

My first Book Review!!!

Written by my dear friend, Nadia ❤ She’s always been so gracious and helpful without asking for anything in return, and now she’s written a beautiful review for me. Thank you, dear friend!!! Read it here (and pass it along *wink wink*):
It has also been posted here (her personal blog I’M SO EXCITED AND GRATEFUL I CAN’T EXPRESS MYSELF):

and here also:

Maybe new book

I had a dream last night that inspired me to possibly write another book. I need opinions though. I can’t always be unbiased when I’m writing so I can’t always tell whether what I’m working on is actually good or not. That’s where my lovely blogily comes in!!! Let me know what you think, please! Any suggestions are appreciated. Here it is:

I woke up to the sound of screaming. I didn’t really comprehend it at first. Back then I slept like a rock through the night and didn’t wake up until the sun was above the horizon.  So when the screaming did wake me I wasn’t sure where I was, but I remember the light. I remember the heat.

I can still hear my mom screaming my name, “Constance! Constance?!” over and over. It took me two minutes before I recognized it was her calling me and the fear mixed with desperation that choked her voice. Once the sleep clouding my mind had dissipated, my eyes were wide open and I jumped out of bed, but instead of sleep clouding my mind, it was smoke that was filling up and clouding my room and my lungs.